I’m embarrassed to say it but I think I have the sniffles. And a little touch of fatigue. Its incredible how the tiredness creeps up on me. This week was meant to be a recharge, and I am trying to get so much social time in, that I am seemingly draining and recharging my batteries symbiotically. So much so that, I have remained at stasis.
I meant to do some computer work today, and personal shopping. But I haven’t left the couch in about three hours. To be fair, Poppy hasn’t left the couch either. We are a pair; a matching set.
Twenty-Twenty three- Its been three years of covid. So much time has passed it has condensed and congealed in my mind. So much life lived in between four small walls. And outside on the sidewalks that rotate from leaves to ice to mud to sizzling and back again. I’ve been very local to my neighborhoods the last few years. I’ve walked the paths so many times I feel like I know the houses by name. Lately I have been thinking of my old home with the lake a few steps away. The beautiful white house on the corner and the cutest little dog neighbor that we loved. Its strange how much I miss it.
Time passes differently now; I age into another phase of life seamlessly. There are more memories to keep and yet, history doesn’t seem that long ago. When I was younger it seemed like WWII was a millennia ago, even with my own grandfather telling me about it. But I’ve now been on this earth for over three decades and it makes even the civil war seem like moments before I was born. It wasn’t that long ago. It just wasn’t. And I think this is because my life has seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. If my life is a blip, then what is everything else?
My 2023 goals are to travel somewhere new and have better work life boundaries. I want to try to catalog life like I used to, written meticulously in my planner. And I want to try really hard to celebrate milestones and take pictures. Well, take pictures of something other than Poppy at least. She is all over my photolog. I wonder if I can set a google reminder for that.
The other thing to note is that my PSLF will be finished, in two days. Two. Days. Meaning that I will have completed all of the requirements for the program, and all my student loans will be forgiven. Once all of the paperwork is processed, which may be awhile. But there is nothing else I personally will need to do. When my loans are forgiven I wonder how it will feel, to no longer be working to fulfill some requirement of someone else’s making. I will no longer be attached to my job in such a way. And I often wonder too, what it would be, to do something different.
My Christmas was good, thank you for asking. We made lasagna as usual but the cheese was stained pink from us preparing things a day ahead. This will be funny in a year or so but not right now. Today it is unsightly. My nephew is vying for my position as the family comedian and he’s doing a rather good job. I laugh at all his jokes; barr none. I still haven’t bought the stools but I have been reminded about 99 times of their importance. My virtual cart is infinitely ready for checkout. I almost fell asleep while driving home and that is the last time for awhile that I will, “drive slow or make stops,” on that route. Next time is zero bathroom breaks and no regrets.
I also had a fear that I would become bored this week. And now I find it frivolous that I even spent the time considering that I “might,” have too much time. My brain is far too inclined for the meta.