“If I can make everyone happy, nothing bad will happen ever again”- Anonymous Codependent
November is feeling very strange. It feels like a huge downhill slide that I’m pumping the breaks on. I’m at the top of the mountain trying to avoid a crash. The bottom filled with brown slush, the kind only made from brown leaves and mud and too little snow.
Its strange, last week I was rather depleted after my half marathon. I slept all week, and didn’t work out. Which is unusual. And I think I would have kept the energy replenishment going but then had to recover from the humiliation of getting a noise violation warning at my place. As someone who goes miles out of their way to, “not disturb others,” I feel wildly jaded by this. How dare you accuse me of being out of line? To top it off, my skin went nuts. After eight glorious weeks of the best skin I’ve ever had. I’ve never wanted to be more invisible. And that’s saying something.
I can’t get Taylor Swift’s new album out of my head. I read some reviews today and I’m blown away by the pretentious reviews men gave it. Too arrogant to see that the album isn’t written for them. So grandiose they don’t realize what a pedestal they’ve placed themselves on, all while they call Taylor Swift unrelatable. Its clear whos staring directly at the sun and its sure not Swift.
She’s written her shadow ego. The infidel alongside the sweet revenge of karma, “tracking you down, step by step and town by town.” Its a delicious version of breaking bad, written by women for women. The monster on the hill. I think any woman can relate to this. In a world where we are praised for our sweet dispositions, we can never acknowledge the dark that contrasts the light. “If you never would have looked my way I would have never danced with the devil… the god’s honest truth is that the pain was heaven.” Which begs me to wonder if its really just a boyfriend she’s talking about. The bite of the apple in the garden of Eden never tasted so damn sweet.
And anyway, I love it. The graveyards and tombs and stained glass of her mind. The ghosts it brings up. Not all art is meant for men. Not all art needs to be sweet, cohesive, or to any of your standards at all. And Swift taking all top ten of the billboard chart should prove that.
Its funny how this album is making me ruminate on the dark and the light, when all I can see is brown.