The other day on the way to work I realized I left a perfect cup of coffee steaming on the counter. So I had to stop for more. Its been snowing everyday since Tuesday and each time I continue to be surprised about how remarkable it looks. This week it stuck to the trees like a fairytale. I cannot believe I disliked winter for ages. Or so I think someone told me that I did. And its delightful to not be bothered. Forgotten coffee on top of a snowy drive could have easily been a horror in a past life. Yet, I had woken up early enough that I had time to stop for the coffee before getting to work (with still extra time). And I was able to navigate the weather in my car that is honestly made for this weather. Which is not so dissimilar to me.
The word of the year is, “gaslight,” according to Websters Dictionary. Its funny because I am unsettled by all the pop psychology words running amuck. But gaslight actually sits just right for me, in terms of themes in my life right now. And by themes, I mean its opposite. My mentor told me a few months ago that I should, “uncrumple.” And everytime I notice myself doing this, I realize I am undoing something that was put on me. I am undoing a narrative that someone else gave me. Its whenever I stand tall, speak a truth, or do something right that makes others uncomfortable. Its when I notice that I look forward to winter. Last week I said no to a request for an indecent amount of money to give to an office christmas gift. I felt a bit like the Office Scrooge but it was appropriate for me to say no. This was a truth.
The other day I took off my beloved ring. Which felt strange but I also felt the relief of letting go of some deep responsibility I seemed to have taken on about it. I had started dreaming about having my own ring. The ring is sitting hidden in plain sight in my living room, for no one and everyone to see.
In terms of men, the one in my life seems unwavering. As much as I would like to say that I have phoenixed into a new person in every aspect of my life, I still feel the shadow of relationships past creep up here. This is where friends come in to remind me that I should probably trust more. This is also where I try to remember that no one is perfect, and what a tragedy it would be if someone was.
Trending on my Heart:
Gingerbread Houses, of any kind
Movies from the 80s
The Gottmans- Love Maps