Well its February and here we are again. My last living grandparent has passed away and the family curse is as big as life and legend. They have all passed away in this month. And to top it off my parents dog is also ill. So it also rings true that another form of chaos will ensue to distract us in this month, most of the time. The shortest month. The most destruction. You’re quite the little hard worker February. Zero gold stars for you.
Lately I have been feeling a little bluesy. I yelled at the student loan people today because they cannot hold up their end of the bargain. I sent in all my paperwork and did all my years and months of hours to fulfill the forgiveness requirements. All they need to do is approve the paperwork which in my eyes is seconds of work. Literally. And all I can think about is everyone else dying and moving away. And here I am griping on the phone about how I need to see results on their website. I know it’ll all be approved but until its actually done, its detrimental to my health. If someone looks at me the wrong way this weekend they will get a mouthful and everything in the universe will still not be right again. The compulsion to achieve, and scream, and perfect. It is never enough.
And I need more connection. And its my goal this spring to start exploring that more. My ideas so far are to play more tennis and join a book club. But long term I have been considering maybe being on a board? Maybe if I have to stop being a social worker one day I will open a store? I love to curate things. I love the word curate. To select and choose and have fun with that. A country city blend. I feel a bit that way sometimes. A mixture of opposites. Sunny and snowy. A wild homebody. A tethered vagabond. When I think about this future my mind really wanders off.
What’s next?
That’s all I really want to know.